Sometimes, I feel like what I’m writing is a big piece of crap.
No, I’m not trying to get you to feel sorry for me. I’m trying to explain that, as an author, I sometimes just don’t know if a piece of fiction actually works. Sounds strange, right?
Let me walk you through a couple of examples:
Paper Tiger
The eighth book in the Micah Reed series, Paper Tiger, came out of me in a flurry. It’s a thriller about a younger Micah embarking on a dangerous mission to recover a piece of his past.
I wrote the first draft in a span of about seven days, most of which was during and shortly after the Writers Police Academy in 2017. I had the story in my head, and I spat out eight to ten thousand words per day until I had that first draft down on paper.
Of course, it took me a few more months until it was edited and finished, but that initial burst was about a week.
And I felt good about it as I was writing it. I liked the words on the page, and I felt like it was working. I never doubted the story.
Shadow Soldiers
Now, let’s look at a very different example: Shadow Soldiers, book 1 in the Layne Parrish spy thriller series. I wrote this book in the fall of 2017, in between drafts of Paper Tiger.
And I hated it. I thought it sucked as I was writing it.
About 20,000 words (80 pages) into the first draft, I paused writing it and read back over everything I’d had up until that point, which is not something I usually do. It’s common wisdom not to look over a manuscript until you’ve finished your current draft. That’s advice I’ve even given to other authors.
But, I didn’t feel like it was working, so I wanted to read it over and make sure the story threads were connecting and the whole thing made sense. After I read back that first 20K words, I didn’t love it. I thought it was okay, but not anywhere close to the quality of the Micah Reed series.
Compared to Paper Tiger, which just worked, Shadow Soldiers felt forced.
But I persisted. And, when I finished that book in December of 2017, I uploaded it to Kindle Scout (RIP), a website where unpublished manuscripts compete for a publishing deal.
And I won! Shadow Soldiers was selected for publication by Kindle Press, and published in March of 2018. The editor who chose my book said this about it:
This is a very entertaining, professional-quality novel. The plot is well thought-out, fast-paced, and full of tension, and the characters are thoroughly developed, plausible, and humanized. In my opinion, this book demonstrates that you have the chops to compete with household-name thriller novelists.
I’m not trying to brag. My whole point is that this book that I almost abandoned, which I thought wasn’t good enough for anyone to read, was good enough. I was wrong about it.
So what am I saying?
Maybe whether or not I feel confident about a current project is related to where I am presently on my self-esteem rollercoaster. Sometimes there could be external factors skewing my perspective, like pandemics and tumultuous elections and other such things.
Another explanation is: I just work here.
I type the words, and you guys have to tell me if it’s any good or not.
Have a great day, my loyal reader…